I feel a restlessness in my bones, clawing its way from my skin. I want to transplant to higher standings, but left on the lowly rungs of the forgotten societal classes. I find myself pacing here and there with nowhere to go. Who holds me here, keeps me depths below my own surface? A surface left boiling from the fumes my eager mind creates. Teach me! I want it all!
Fractured and tangled my thoughts like malicious little imps, run rampant through my brain. My self-storage for " I cants", " I wants" , impurities I had no control over. They were disclosed to me, I did not put these in my mind. A community designed to cast out the less submissive children. Punished unjustly for actions taught to us by weaker minds.
Perhaps instead of continual scolding and isolation punishment, something we've only ever known, you should embrace us, show us love, faith, and kindness. How dare you discipline us for actions that make up all I know? Teach me! Show me more. I want that life of beauty, serenity, calm minds, and warm hearts.
My dreams and ambitions tumble over and over so quickly, it is near impossible to grasp one. To hold onto one hope, I cannot. There again, they are the I cants, the perpetual doubting myself or the existence of my own necessity. My fears and doubts dangle so elegantly in my face, a continual slap to the brain. YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE!
My brain is on overload, I feel a shift in the midst. An out pour is due at any moment. What will prevail, what will remain when it all spills? Will my fears, I cants, I wants, my doubts remain subsided in the crevices of my memories? Caking the putrid walls of my past with the constant reminder that I cannot hide who I was, am, and what has been done.
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